Regression

Four days. That’s as long as I lasted with carb cycling. I was exhausted and starving, my mood vacillated between angry and depressed, and my milk supply plummeted so low I resulted to my freezer stash to keep Ella happy. The Hub kept asking me one thing, “Is this worth it?”

It wasn’t. I still believe carb cycling is effective, but it’s not the method for me and their are other ways to reach my goals. Before I started I kept saying the same thing, “This is the best I’ve ever felt! I’ve never had such a healthy relationship with food! I am happy!” If I couldn’t keep saying that, if in four days all of that was torn to pieces, what was the point?

I’m not into fitness to just look the part. Of course I want to look fit, I want more abs and less muffin top, but health is about more than my appearance. I need to be healthy inside and out, and letting one slip in favor of the other isn’t balanced.

All of this is the slippery slope that is body dismorphia, struggling with disorded eating and making strides forward while still slipping backwards once in a while. It’s so tricky each time I don’t see it happening. Just because I wasn’t completely starving myself doesn’t mean what I was doing wasn’t creating that cycle for me. On day three I thought, “Maybe I can get used to this…” This being extremely strict eating habits that made most of my favorite foods off limits and severely restricted my caloric intake to such an extent that I was hungry ALL OF THE TIME. So it’s back to the drawing board. Something tailored to my needs; adequate calories to support weight lifting, running, and breastfeeding balanced with an adequate deficit to encourage fat loss that incorporates eating smarter, maybe some natural thermogenics (though my babe is quite caffeine sensitive so we’ll see), and overall a happy and healthy me at all times.

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Regression

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